Does God Exist?

 

Does God exist? I don’t know but Divine does live among us. Not sure who finds who and why? Everyone has a view on how the universe operates and I have mine. We are all correct. As Sri Ramakrishna Paramanhsa said “ as many faiths, so many paths” (যত মত তত পথ). My encounter with the Divine happened in 2001.

In 1999 a team of doctor’s at AMRI Dhakuria Kolkata (now Manipal Hospital) gave my mother 7 days to live. She had one of the rarest diseases in the world – Good Pastures Syndrome. An auto immune disease with 4 cases in the world that, pretty much like cancer, manifests when key organs in the body are already compromised. For my mother, it was her kidneys and partially her heart and resiratory system. She lived for another 12 years to see me get married and spend a last few months with her grandchildren. From a probablility score of near 0 in surviving to 12 years of half life with joy and contentment was nothing short of a miracle that I can only arrtibute to my "Kutti Baba". He called me "Chele" i.e. "Son". 

Towards the end of 1999 I was mentally preparing to return to India from the US still recovering from a car crash incident that killed 4 members on my family including my eldest sister, aunt and nephew. 

My mother's news came as a tsunami. I quickly returned to India oblivious to the fact that in 2021 I was supposed to join a top MBA program in the US. Really didn’t care. Packed my bags and returned my my mother's call. 

A bit about my mom and why I think our childhood financial condition could’ve contributed to her condition. Still unexplained. We live at our south Kolkata house in a joint family of 17 with my father, the only earning member. The history is given in detail in my blog  

https://kpax72.blogspot.com/2021/05/the-untold-truth-what-liberals-dont.html    

                                                    Uttarpara Bhavan on Gariahat Road

We didn’t get a square meal given my father’s earning so mom would skip meals often. She would satiate herself with mounds of chopped beetle nut and Baba 120 zarda. Just to kill her appetite so that my sister and I could share 1 piece of fish between 2 of us. Dad would leave every morning at 6 am and return late in the night pushing to bring home a meal a day. The other family members were feeding off him like vampires, free riders reaping the fruits of their past karma. The same family members who plotted to have me and my family killed in January 2026 for our ancentral property. Here is the story

https://kpax72.blogspot.com/2026/04/the-great-escape.html

Coming back to my mom's condition and my meeting with the divine. For my mom the doctors started Dialysis at AMRI under the renowned doctor Arghya Mazumdar and under the guidance of Dr. BV Gandhi HoD Jaslok, Mumbai and probably the top nephrologist in India. Mom’s dialysis continued until 2001 and which point her frail body was failing unable to withstand dialysis. Her arteries and veins were getting ruptured and her body was looking like Indian streets punctured in the monsoon. It was sometime in June 2001 that the doctors gave us a weeks time. I vividly remember the day. I was at work and my father called me to his office room. Mom was still admitted at AMRI Dhauria (a saga that repeated every 2/3 months). He said "The doctor's have given up and they are asking us if we would like to bring her back home". We did. We started having visitors in the house already saying goodbye from a distance as she was kept in isolation to protect her from any infection, aerosol or otherwise. It was during this 7 days mental preparatory stage that mom mentioned to my sister that her last wish was to see me get married. And that's where the enitre strory starts! 

Around the same time I suddenly got a call from my mom’s childhood friend Pushpita (Sumata Ji in the book, I call her Kakima and my wife calls hr Pishimoni). In the blog I will refer to her as Kakima (aunt). Mom and Kakima lost touch over decades since Kakima left Kolkata. Kakima was the wife of the Zamindars of Belrui- Sitarapur near Dhanbad.They were the owners of ¾ of Dhanbad colliery. Kakima has 3 other sisters – Maharani of Puri, Maharani of Ranchi and Maharani of Mayurbhanj. Kakima's colliery real estate was valued at close to Rs. 2000 crores back in the 2Ks. She generally reamianed aloof so we lost touch. 

 Suddenly one day wanted to visit us to invite us for her daughter's wedding. I remembered Kakima as a somewhat quiet snooty proud sophisticated socialite. Maybe just a misplaced perception from her general aloofness. When she arrived at our house I was shocked. She was wearing a while saree with a red border, devoid of any jewellery. She tranformed into a sage like person, a Sadhvi.  The story that followed was jaw dropping. She said she and her husband found God and renounced everything overnight. The couple donated their entire estate of thousands of crores (millions of UD) and decided to walk the path of liberation. She found Kutti Baba, Maa Anandamoyee Maa’s nephew.

 During their conversation mom mentioned to Kakima that since she had only a few days to live, she would really like to see me married. I wasn’t ready. A rebellious youngster in 20s living a very meandering lifestyle with a chequered past as a frontman of India’s leading heavy metal band Fahrenheit. I was hot headed maverick not cut out for an arranged marriage and that too in the middle of a personal crisis - a certainty that I will be losing my mother. Plus I was anyway scheduled to leave by August 2021 and clearly was in no frame of mind to include an additional responsibility in my life.

Given that the doctor had charted a specific timeline for my mom, my sister too arrived in Kolkata from the US to spend time with mom. I believe Kakima suggested that my sister brought me to the Shivratri function at Jodhpur Park, a stones throw distance from my house. Kakima had thought of a specific girl whose parents too were looking for a groom. I refused to go to this particular function where supposedly a “Divine” person was being worshipped. That wasn’t me and I remember having a brutal verbal confrontation with my mom and sister. I caved in eventually because, all my life, I had always been a very obedient son and brother.

MEETING WITH GOD

My first meeting with the Divine cannot be explained in words. I walked into the house and looked straight at a very old bearded sage like man dressed as Shiva radiating with higher order energy. The whole house vibratimg with celestial energy. It felt like all Gods has communed into this very house on that day. The smell of inscence and flowers were hypnotic. I felt I was transported to Shambhala

 A moment in life where time and space had collapsed briefly. Kutti Baba was surrounded by devotees singing kirtan. In my entire life I had never partaken in anything like this. I didn’t come from a religious family. My eyes caught Kutti Baba from quite a distance as he was staring at me. In that divine encounter, His stare penetrated my deepest being, upending my soul to read every chapter of my past, present, and destiny all at oncehat look instantly took me to a state of hypnotism and I just started crying inconsolably. Just could not stop crying and little did I realize that everyone in the room was distracted and were just staring at me. An embarassing vulnerable moment for a late 20s young man just weeping away in front of a room full of strangers, with no trigger no reason. The ego was crushed with one blow. 

I just could not stop crying until Kakima unseated herself and came to me, hugged me and said “It’s okay. It’s natural when your soul is in communion with the Divine and you realised he was the Divine himself. They show their true self to only those that deserve”. I had no clue why I deserved to be chosen by the Divine himself. Is this why he saved time and time again. First from a terrible blood dysentry when I was 6-7 years old, then a terrible outbreak of ring worms when I was about 10 years old that was fatal enough to kill me and then sheilding me from the car crash in 1999? For this day? I still don’t know bu,t there are reminiscences of my life that when I revisit, I realize this was destiny written probably in another birth - a life I was living by design. 

In my youth, I tried to run away from the house twice. Once in my 5^th grade and again in my 8^th grade. I had a very strong spiritual calling. Some astrologer told my mom that she needed to remove all idols of Gautama The Buddha from the house. We had a few strewn acoss the houe. She did. I used to get visions of someone calling out for me from the mountains of Uttarakhand. I still have that urge after decades and the callings never stopped. Between 2012 and 2019 I visisted Rishikesh every year for 10 days. I would bind myself with some of the remotest gufas. 

After 25 odd years I am slowly beginning to piece all of it together. For those who don’t know Maa Anadamoyee Maa, Shankaracharya of Sringeri considered her Maa Durga herself. Rather all the Akhadas agreed on it. 

Maa Anandamoyee Maa was the protector and spiritual guide of India’s Iron Lady Indira Gandhi. Legend has it that the period between 1972 through 1982 was extremely volatile for India and Shankaracharya suggested that the Daksha Yagna started by King Daksha Prajapati (father of Sati) had to be completed. Shankaracharya called a meeting of all the 13 akharas to decide who was powerful enough to complete the Yagna that was left incomplete because Lord Shiva had beheaded King Daksha. The most powerful ascetics of India unanimously agreed that it has to be Maa Anandamoyee Maa. In 1981 at a place called Kankhal in Haridwar and in the presence of Shankaracharya Maa performed the 11 days yagna, without a break, without a pause. The yagna needed 108 most elevated and powerful yogis in India. Pushpita aunty told me that miraculously strange sadhus who lived in the remotest parts of the Himalayas and who has had absolutely no encounter with humanity (hermits) appeared. It is said that Devas communicate with their divine energies. They don’t need phones or physical proximity. Here is the video link. Do watch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jjY-OJPH4k

Kutti Baba was always beside Anandamoyee Maa like her shadow. Now here is the most interesting part. While the most enlightened touched Maa’s feet, Maa never let Kutti Baba touch her feet. Maa knew all along that Kutti Baba was BrahmGyani. 

QUESTION THAT I STILL HAVE 

So who was this Kutti Baba who asked me to marry my current wife? Was he an avatar, a God, reincarnation of Sri Chaitanya Mahaparbu? Did he choose me because I come from the bloodline of  Shri Chaitnya Mahaprabhu himself or because of my family lineage with Krittibas Ojha, Maa Sharada and Sri Sri Sitaramdas Omkarnath? So what? As a mortal I have been a sinner. Why me? Was it because of my wife? Could it be she was the chosen one? The question still persists but there are small incidents in life, kripas, that keep convincing me that there is a higher purpose awaiting me. Else, nothing of this makes any sense. Will have to see how life unfolds. 

WHO WAS KUTTI BABA

Kutti Baba did kripa to many and most of it is documented in his lifestory "Sahaj BrahmaGyani Shree Shree Kutti Baba".

A divine entity who made sure a kidney donor walked to our house rang the bell and offered to donate his kidneys to my mother and literally disappeared into thin air never to be seen again? My mother lived for another 10 years. Doctors called it a miracle. Again the question is why have kripa on my mother? Was it for her or a way to open my eyes to the turth of the universe? Anwering the question I have always had "Does God Exist"? With one brush removed all doubt I had. 

My wife conceived in 2005 and it was terrible pregnancy to a point when 3 top gynecologists suggested an abortion. Every clincal test showed that my 1st born would not survice and if she continued with the pregnancy, it would put her life in danger. I remember one day she went to meet Baba and Baba, like always, gave her a few assorted dry fruits to eat. Usually it was Kakima who would share some prasad (usually nuts, sweets, makhana and raisins) but this time Baba served it with his own hands. In a few days, the pregnancy issue was miraculously resolved. Even the doctors were surprised. A son was born, followed by a daughter in 2007, by which time Baba had already walked into the Brahmaleen status, final merger with Brahman. Have you ever heard of pregnancies where the first was a C-Section and the latter was a normal? It's literally a clinical impossibility but in our case it happened. Baba was watching over us even after he merged with the divine

Who was the Kutti Baba who asked me to NOT go to the US in 2001 August and push it out to 2002 instead, warning me in 2000 that something terrible was about befall on the US. 9/11 happened and all scholarships were cancelled. In 2002 I was offered full scholarship, first non American to get at that particular university all prior conditions intact.

Who was this Kutti Baba who came in my dreams to save the Uttarpara Rajbari from illegal demolition by a tyrant government? It wasn't the Rajbari that needed to be saved but probably the vibrant radiating Vishnu temple inside the palace. Uttarpara Palace is my ancentral home. My father was born there. If you visit #Uttarpara Palace which is now Uttarpara General Hospital, on the ground floor next to the MOs office there is a room that is locked. It's been kept locked since 1952 when the government confiscated all 16 palaces from us illegally. Thanks to Nehru & BC Roy joining hands and conspiring against us. Before handing Uttarpara Rajbari to the government, my grandfather told the authorities never to open or reconstruct a particular room - the Vishnu Temple. History has it that everyone anyone who tried to dabble with the room or came in with a sinful mind, sufferred catastrophic consequences.

 

                                             ~950 yrs old Sridhar Narayan Sila from Gandaki

There were 4 large temples inside the palace juxtaposed to one another. In the 1st Mahal, inside the thakur dalan (whatever it is called in English). The primary temples where rituals, customs and offerings were performed daily in large scale were 

1) Narayan/Vishnu

2) Durga

3) Shiva

4) Ganesh

That particular room was dedicated to Narayan, our Kuldevta. This is where for ages our old Sridhar Narayan Sila was being worshipped. Sridhar Narayan watching over a family with a documented history of 1100 years. Krittibash, Maa Sharada & Omkar Nath Thakur meditated on this Sridhar Narayan Sila. One fine day the government decided to dismantle this heritage property with enormous history. I don't know from where I got the strength to take on a entire rogue establishment to stop the demoition and destrucution of this sacred bode of woship and ancestry. There was a calling and I think it was Kutti Baba again who gave me the strength. 

 

Who was this Kutti Baba who instructed Kakima  that he be cremated at Tarapeeth and his ashes be immersed in Nabadwip? Who was Kutti Baba who could tell you detailed day by day, hour by hour stories of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabu including the minutest details not documented anywhere? 

Who was Kutti Baba who, sitting at Belrui Village in Sitarampur village- Dhanbad could give a vivid description of my house in Connecticut or friends in Boston or day of my graduation ceremony in the US? How could he know all that in such vivid detail sitting in a small village called Belrui thousands of miles away?  

Who was this Kutti Baba whose body didn’t have rigor mortis even after 36 hours of his Samadhi/Mahaprayan in 2007. The doctor on call issued a death certificate on 13th February afternoon while he was cremated in the evening on 14th February, his body warm in a state of hyper-suspended animation with no sign of biological cellular decay?  This whole event was witnessed by 100s who visited to pay their respects including a reknowned priest from Varanasi who performed his last rites and groups of priests from Anandamoyee Maa's ashram in Kankhal. My wife, was was also present, explained to me as " It seemed like Baba was alive but unresponsive to stimuli. A state where consciousness and life force seems to have exited from the physical body and merged permanently with the absolute and the whole room was filled with radiating light for the entire time".

Who was this Kutti Baba who told me that I will get a job in a certain company and that I should never leave it. A series of unexplainable incidents happened in the last 21 years that convinced me I found out why he said what he said after 15 years. Who was this Kutti Baba who refused to come to public notice but redeemed thousands of souls across the globe sitting in Sitarampur? Why did Kutti Baba want me to safe keep Maa Anadamoyee Maa's paduka? 

I still don’t know who Kutti Baba really was. I can guess but never pin point with certainty. I know he is here with me 24/7. I feel him, sense his presence everyday, every moment. I was asked by Kakima never to speak about him in public or publicize the thousands of miracles he performed for scores of pretty random people. Baba did not want to be exposed. He wanted to be in seclusion helping humanity from a distance.  

I finally have the implicit permission from my aunt to write about Baba. Only when aunty’s son in law Satyesh da decided to offer the story of Kutti Baba through his book “Sahaj Brahma Gyani Shree Kutti Baba” on Guru Purnima 2026.